LIFE IS A SPECTRUM
Billy has developed his first celebrity crush. Well, it's his first if you don't count Lightning McQueen or Charlie Brown.
I'll bet when Annie Leibovitz was photographing her, Tina Fey never imagined the place of honor she would hold in our bathroom.
It's Tina Fey. There's an old, warped back issue of Vanity Fair in our bathroom, in which Fey appears on the cover in a sort of patriotic outfit. Inside, there's a photo spread of her in a skimpy outfit, dancing to Beyonce's “Crazy in Love,” according to the caption.
He is absolutely fascinated with this photo spread, studying it closely – and I mean closely, with his eyeballs practically touching the page. He imitates her dance poses with his arms, holds his head at the same angle as hers in the photos. He traces the limbs of her body with his chubby finger.
Before you get the wrong idea, this is how the scene plays out:
INT. MY BEDROOM – NIGHT.
I'm mindlessly surfing the Internet in bed when Billy comes barreling in a full tilt, shouting at the top of his lungs and running towards my bathroom.
BILLY: I NEED TO POO-POO! WHERE IS TINA FEY?!
I practically fall out of my bed in my efforts to assist him. I will do anything to make poo-pooing a success.
CUT TO:
INT. JUST OUTSIDE THE MASTER BATHROOM – A MOMENT LATER
Various magazines and catalogs come flying out.
ME (OFF-SCREEN): Can't you read Highlights?! How about the Toys R Us catalog?!
BILLY (OFF-SCREEN): Mamaaaaaaaaaa!! Need to poopoooooooooooooo!
Obviously, we MUST find Tina Fey then.
CUT TO:
INT. INSIDE THE MASTER BATHROOM – A MINUTE AFTER THAT
Billy is perched happily atop the toilet with his face close to an inappropriate part of Tina Fey's body. I am slumped against the wall, exhausted.
BILLY: Tiny Fey is very talented.
(He has heard me say this.)
Then ...
Billy stands up and claps.
BILLY (CONT.): Yay! That was a good poo-poo!
(He has also heard me say that.)
Thank you, Tina Fey. Wherever you are. Thank you.
Mondays are hectic in the 'Feet household. The Life is a Spectrum vlog will be back next week in its new TUESDAY time slot. There are a variety of reasons for this move by the network:
| A. My Mr. Coffee broke and I'm currently on a desperate run to find a new one. As a temporary fix, I had been using this French cafetiere: |
stupid stupid stupid But its two-cup limit makes me hate it. |
| B. I ran out of hair smoother, and I currently look a bit like this: |
I really hope this chick got paid a LOT of money by DailyHairTips.com to pose like this and she's not just some poor hobo they took advantage of. The combination of lack of caffeine and frizzy hair do NOT equal "game face" for vlog purposes. |
| C. The cupboard is bare. If I don't go grocery shopping, dinner is going to be Condiment Surprise. Or maybe Crayon Casserole: |
Aww, look: The crayons match his eyes ... |
Pretty
This is exactly when you SHOULD be vlogging. Come on! Doitdoitdoitdoitdoit.
Mug Shot
I'm with Lynn. Um, I mean, I'm not actually with Lynn. I mean I agree with her about this one. A V-Log with hair like that is guaranteed to go viral. Think of the traffic! Get the camera out and get going.
We Love You!
Amanda, don't you know we love you even when your hair is frizzy and you're crazy due to lack of caffeine?
Never Mind
If I waited for coffee to be made and my hair to be washed to make a vlog, I'd never make one. Oh wait, I never have. Never mind :) Looking forward to yours!
mangiabella
can't wait to read more of your blog! came to you via SITS, and a very belated happy SITS to you - i'm a bit behind catching up on posts (sick babies can take you outta the game for a while LOL)
I agree with Lynn, too.
It's realism! ...and if you're really spunky, you could don that blue-teeth look, too, to complete the picture!
(Sad we're supporting self-deprecation - maybe we just know you're gorgeous, regardless of the physical conditions!)
Looking forward to tomorrow! :)
Hmmm...what's in Condiment Surprise? Jim is the Condiment King, and that's about all that's in my fridge right now too!
Here's hoping that tomorrow your coffee is brewed, your hair is smooth, and your refrigerator is full of something other than ketchup and pickles!
Wendy
Gasp!
What? You mean you're not head over heels in love with your French Press?
Our French Press is "the other woman" in our house. I think if there were ever a fire up in this joint, GB would run out with the kids under one arm, and the French Press under the other.
Now that I have clear braces, I've had to give up drinks of the hot, caffeinated variety. So am I jealous of your errand today? A little bit.
Total 8 comments
By now, you know all about my Spring Chickens Tribe in the blogging network SITS, where our group of moms of special needs kids connects to talk about everything from how to create a button for a blog to how to survive their child's IEP meeting. If you're a mom with a child with any kind of special needs, and you blog, I'd love to invite you to join us. Just go sign up with The SITS Girls (free, of course) and join our tribe in the Spring Chickens Forum.
Today, I'm delighted to introduce you to Melody from My Twisted Stitches. In addition to raising three kids, two of whom struggle with behavioral/emotional disorders, Melody's job is made that much more challenging by her own ADD. Still managing to keep her sense of humor and share her journey with an open, honest heart, Melody is a true inspiration. So stop by My Twisted Stitches, follow Melody or subscribe to her fascinating blog by email. And tell her I said, "Hi!"
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When you have a child with behavioral issues attached to a mood disorder, the entire family is impacted. Sometimes it’s like experiencing the aftershocks from an earth quake where you live with the trepidation that at any moment the slightest shaking could become cataclysmic. Other days you are aware that every moment is a bombardment of agitated aggression, irritation, and frustration let loose in the form of verbal assaults, whining, and general chaos created in your living space. It is an exhaustive time for all, where your adrenaline is constantly flowing and nerves are left twitching. The child initiating the mayhem can spend hours in and out of time-out, or wrestling with consequences, but in the end he/she has succeeded in monopolizing everyone’s time and attention. This is our life.
The behavioral issues reared their ugly head at a tender age, and there was a strong early independence and tenacity that I was actually VERY proud of. These are characteristics I prayed for in my children, but in a “baby” they can certainly be a challenge. I found my first born to be extremely determined, seemingly fearless, and intensely curious. Language acquisition was easy for her; consequently, when with her peers she would be busy “teaching” in her bossy way as she thrived on telling others what and how to do things. Unfortunately, her reactions to their apparent lack of responsiveness toward her were fiercely intense and redirecting her was nearly impossible. She would persist (and still does) in holding onto an idea in order to get her way.
Over time she became extremely manipulative and overbearing. Consequences didn’t seem to make an impact and she rarely showed sadness or remorse for her behavior, rather she would demonstrate intense anger at her consequences or at the person implementing them. In addition, she would often find a way to retaliate later either toward the person who disciplined her or the person she was originally angry with. To make matters worse, small conflicts or differences of opinion could turn into huge issues in which irrational rage would erupt. It was often difficult for her to control her actions. On numerous occasions she would have to be physically contained to prevent damage to others or property. We used to say that she was “freakishly strong.”
Our second child joined the family when our first was 18 months and she was (understandably) very jealous. I became the “mama bear” to protect my newborn from his older sibling and struggled to balance caring for them both. Maybe I established the pattern of victim and aggressor right then, but if so why can’t we break out of that? I do have to say that there are many days when my children have their moments of playing well together and cooperating; it always seems tense and tenuous though. I know they both want to love each other, but there is such intensity of whatever emotion at the moment that they let loose on each other. I know it has been said, that we hurt the ones we love the most, but wow!
Now, there is a third dynamic at play. Along with the birth of our third child came increased jealousy, decreased "Mommy" time, and an increased need for shared space and stuff (which seems to be inherently difficult anyway). Intense behaviors, along with extremely poor emotional regulation began to spiral downward from there. I have sought help every step of the way and I hope we are climbing back up the ladder to stability and emotional security. Each of us have required support to move forward. As a Mom with attention deficit disorder, anxiety, and depression - although being treated myself - I find the struggle to help my children is like running a marathon, DAILY!
I have come to believe that when there is an individual in the household who is as unpredictable and volatile as what we experience on a regular basis, there is NOT a normal family dynamic (albeit there may be no true “normal”). Moreover, when it is the eldest child, the siblings develop in a way that is also uncommon as they require heightened natural defenses just to “survive”, let-alone thrive. The family structure is strained and if the marriage isn’t already a rock, the pressure can crumble its fragile existence.
So what are parents to do? We have to parent the children we have. Can we prevent one child from affecting the entire family?
Melody is a certified teacher, now a stay-at-home mom of three beautifully challenging children; the two oldest (8yrs. and 10yrs. old) have been diagnosed with childhood bipolar disorder while the 3yr. old is learning and growing by leaps and bounds. She blogs at My Twisted Stitches and she is a Parent Blogger for Empowering Parents. Her days are filled with activity that require a tremendous measure of energy, stamina, and courage!
*sobbing*
Tears, sobbing, shaking.....
I am truely shuddering like a child who has calmed after crying for an hour.
I am filled with joy for you and your family.
Congratulations and Blessings!!!!!
Ummmm... That comment was suppose to be for your anniversary post!
I am so sorry about that irrelevant comment a moment ago. I thought it was going under yesterday's for your anniversary. It was my second attempt as the server crashed mid typing and popped back up "here", but I thought it just kicked off my comment....
Weird! Please Delete These!
Anyway :*P
Amanda, I can't believe it has taken me this long to actually, successfully submit a commmmmmmment here :)! I have tried twice and the server crashed, so now it is 7 ish and the kids are set up with "Milo and Ottis" so I'll try again.
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you so very much for hosting my post and supporting my efforts as both a Mom and a blogger. I think you are truly amazing and I'm constantly in awe. I love to read your work and admire your strength. It was an honor to be featured here on "Life Is A Spectrum". I find that my bipolar kiddos have a surprisingly large measure of common features with the Asperger Spectrum; in addition, I heard for the first time this week, the term "spectrum" used to describe the range of Bipolar Symptoms. If you are interested I happened to put a video clip up this week on my blog where this is mentioned. It is the "True Child Within" Youtube clip.
Thank you again for hosting me! I feel a kinship that I can't describe.
Mel~
Thanks for sharing!
Mel:
Wow, what a story! Thanks for sharing it.
Back from the Brink
I'm FINALLY totally over this flu ... I think (knocking heavily on wood) and I wanna thank everyone for the kind wishes I got through email, Facebook, Twitter. With any luck, I'll be back in the blogosphere by the end of the day.
I want to especially thank Melody for providing her wonderful guest post for Friday ... it couldn't have come at a better time, as I was feverishly rambling and incapable of forming a coherent thought, much less typing :-)
Total 5 comments
Today is supposedly Communication Shutdown Day. Thanks to The SITS Girls for letting me share my feelings on that autism awareness campaign -- and some cute pictures of my kids in Halloween costumes -- with my friends in the blogosphere. How do you feel about it?
OMG--So Funny AND on the Money!
Amanda, you hit this out of the ballpark!
EXCELLENT, EXCELLENT, EXCELLENT!
Thank you!
I think we're totally on the same page on this issue :-)
Agree
Yeah. This silence thing seems misguided. Besides, my son is about as far from silent as a human being can be.
Amen!
Amen, amen and amen. I had a very snarky SLP evaluate Caleb and basically tell me I was an overreactive mother because she saw him sitting in my lap and he was talking. Affectionate and verbal automatically eliminated ASD in her misinformed opinion. Oh and I especially laughed about the Charlie Brown movie! We have a fan in our house, too. Caleb's latest line from a movie has been stuck in his head for two days and at about 4:30 this morning, we could hear him in his bed: "Please, brother! I'm not a child." (maniacal laughter) "Please, brother! I'm not a child." (maniacal laughter) Argh, I really needed my coffee today.
HAPPY SITS Day!
I absolutely love your blog. I have read your stuff for a long time. I have such a special place in my heart for children with Autism.
I hope you have a great SITSday :)
I'm Going to Comment Again when your SITS Post Is Up But...
CONGRATS! Have a super-awesome day! Enjoy all the glory that's going to come your way. You SO deserve it!
Happy SITS day!
Happy SITS day, You so deserve it! You are a special woman with an incredible blog and story!
-ashley-
Congratulations on your SITS day!
I'm glad you said the silence campaign was dumb
Fabulous! I'm stopping by from SITS to wish you a joyous week and congratulate you for using your voice. My nephew is Autistic (Aspergers) and if he would stop talking for about 10 minutes a day my sister wouldn't know what to do with herself, that is after she checked on him to make sure he wasn't dead. It's hard to educate people when you don't use words, so I'm not sure what the whole campaign was about.
Your site is beautiful and I will definitely share it with my sister as well as others I know who are looking for good information and a place that isn't all dreary and scary.
Thank you for doing this. You truly are making a difference for so many.
Again, Happy SITS day!!!
Congratulations on your special day. I hope it brings you lots of new followers and tons of comment love.
Great vlog. I think you are totally correct. I have been silent and patient waiting for good things to happen too many times in my life. Yeah, that gets you nothing. Squeak away, baby.
Happy SITS day!
I completely missed communication shutdown day and all the hype, I'm sad to say... although despite everything, I made sure that I posted on my blog... but coming home from the hospital with the latest edition to the fam made me post less than I had planned... I have to say that I totally agree with you though - even when my son was almost completely non-verbal he found creative ways to communicate his needs and wants - and effectively too... when he wants to be clear, he still drags the gallon milk jug and a cup out of the kitchen and into whatever room I'm in if I haven't responded in enough time to his request for moo...
Glad SITS introduced me to your blog, looking forward to getting to know more about you and your family!
I'm visiting from SITS. Congrats on your special day!
I teach an autistic teen (age 17) in his home 3 days a week. (I'm not a specialist, just a teacher.) He is talkative and peppers me with questions during each lesson. He has a great sense of humor and is a talented artist.
I usually work with him in the language area--writing, reading comprehension, literature, foreign language. Through our study of literature, he's gained an appreciation for relationships and how people interact. So even though he's focused on Thomas the Train, he now writes elaborate stories about Thomas and Rosie and their budding relationship! When he reads his stories to me, he changes his voice to play all the parts. (He blushes when Thomas tells Rosie, "I love you.")
And this from a boy who used to sit growling under a desk in kindergarten. He's a truly amazing individual! I'm blessed to know him!
Great mom
You are a great mom for your kids. I am sure your son is as lucky having you as a mom as you having him as your son.
I Have Spent Over $5000....
out of pocket in the last 18 months on speech/language therapy and I am not about to ask E. to be quiet now. Can you imagine?? What silliness is this???
Where would we be right now as a civilization without Thomas Paine, Frederick Douglass, Susan B. Anthony, Jeanette Rankin, Bella Abzug, Martin Luther King, Jr., Mohandas Ghandi, Harvey Milk, Harvey Fierstein, people with big ideas, big dreams and GIANT voices?
I am happy to have an opportunity each and every day to say that "this" (our family) is the face of ASD. To do so otherwise is to allow others to define who we are and what we need from our communities and elected representatives. Now, go vote!!
Great Autism Shout Out
Loved your vlog, Amanda! I didn't participate in the Communication Shutdown (aka Global Pout) either! I participated in the Autism Shout Out for ASDay on Twitter all day and connected with some fabulous people speaking for themselves with autism, as well as many rockin' Mamas who squeak loudly for their kidlets! Wasn't it just dripping with irony that it was the day before the election? I know it originated in Australia where the 2nd wouldn't be their election day, but the irony was just too much to bare. And I almost spit my java at the monitor when I saw your Angle autism air quotes! Great vlog and great to see you! :>
Twitter Follow
Oh my. I just realized that I'm not following you on Twitter already, so I'm off to follow you there too! :>
Congrats on your SITS day! I look forward to reading some of your post because even though I have a neurotypical child, I am fairly sure I can relate to your mommy tantrums and your other mothering trials & tribulations. Again, congrats! :)
You are too much. Hilarious and such a good point. I love it when people think for themselves!
Can you tell I'm just now catching up with all your posts?!
Total 18 comments
I've established the fact that I can't cook. And that when I do cook, I frequently take short cuts. So when I saw the pre-cut Nestle Toll House orange jack o' lantern cookies, I thought, “Score!” Just pop 'em out, lay them on a cookie sheet, stick 'em in the oven, cook for 10 minutes. Done.
Pumpkin Pals! So happy to be eaten!
I had volunteered to provide two dozen cookies to Willow's Fall Festival party, and I thought the little orange sugar cookies would be the perfect complement to an 18-month-old's celebration of Halloween. I imagined myself impressing all the other parents by being that mom who freshly bakes cookies for the school party. (Maybe they wouldn't have noticed the 6-foot-high Nestle display in the Publix refrigerated section.)
My mistake came when I looked at the package and saw the jolly picture on the package of the jack o' lanterns with colored eyes and mouths. According to the package, you can use decorator gels to fill in the cut-outs and then your cookies will emerge from the oven practically laughing with Halloween happiness.
Well, I don't know what decorator gels are. I did, however, have some food coloring left over from Easter. How different could it be? It says it's for coloring food.
I'll eat YOU, little girl!
I got out the food coloring and some of the kids paint brushes and started painting away. I painted some with green eyes and smiles for the boys and some for pink eyes and mouths for the girls. I missed the part on the instructions where it said, “Do not over-fill.”
10 minutes later, my cookies emerged from the oven looking like something from the horror movie Pumpkinhead. The pink-eyed jack o'lanterns appeared to be bleeding from the eyes and mouth, and the black-mouthed (because the dark green came out black) boys' cookies looked like a warning against tooth decay. Some of them looked like they had grown mold.
Billy pointed at one girl cookie and summed it up: “That pumpkin has a hurchy eye.” Indeed.
So “hurchy,” in fact, that when presented with one of these horror cookies at the Fall Festival, an 18-month-old girl started to cry.
From now on, I'm going to be that mom that impresses everyone with how efficiently she orders from the bakery.
Thanks to The SITS Girls for sponsoring our 3-day “Boo!” blog challenge, just one of the fun reasons that I love being a member of this active blogging community.
Scary
Love the new blog layout.
In my opinion, if you make a baby cry with your baking skills, you're doing something right.
HAHAHAHAHA!
Man, we have a lot in common!
I think hurchy eyes are the bomb.
Pumpkins Gone Wrong...
Thanks for my morning giggle, Amanda! That's the problem with packaged foods...they always look so much better than they really are! Maybe you should send Pillsbury a letter...they might send you some coupons to buy more cookies!
Wendy
Definitely hurchy...
What the hell is decorator gel anyway? OH well. Halloween is supposed to be scary, right?
Got an email about decorator gel...
Turns out, this is a kind of food coloring in gel form that helps prevent "hurchy eyes" on cookies by staying where it's supposed to be and not seeping out in creepy ways all over your baked jack o'lanterns. Now I know!
HA! I love the "hurchy" eyes! I probably would have made the same mistake or heck I would have not colored them at all because I wouldn't realize that I needed the extra stuff until too late. Ooops :)
Oh em geee...this post had me laughing so hard...not at you, but WITH you!! I recently attempted to make cupcakes for my son's birthday to share with his friends at school. Nothing fancy, just Duncan Hines with icing from a tub....no big deal, right?! Apparently it WAS! NONE of them turned out well! I ended up making a detour by Kroger on the way to his party! :)
That made me laugh so hard. I love your ingenuity though! That comment "If you baking skills make babies cry, you're doing something right." is hysterical.
Tears of laughter!
You have got me crying with laughter! You are so funny! Your mom & dad are sitting in the lving room with me howling with laughter too. I just love how you tell on yourself. Love ya Big Sis!
Spring Chickens are the best. Congrats on your SITS day!
Welcome to my world :)
Sooooo glad to discover your blog, i love your take on life - especially about life on the spectrum - a topic close to my heart since about a year ago.
Hey Gurl-fren!
Well, how happy am I to find you on the interwebz? I, too, am the parent of a child with autism and a neurotypical child. I write about them in my other blog "The Adventures of Auti and Tippy". I love that you say there is so much more going on in your world than autism...so true!!! Can't wait to read more.
Total 13 comments
I was a shy, introverted pushover as a child – way too eager to please. So when I complain about my kids' screaming “No!” fits, I want you to understand that I encourage their strong wills. I want them to be spirited and opinionated and not easily led.
Who needs dental records? I have a perfect impression of his teeth scarred into my ankle.
Well, put a check-mark in that box.
Willow entered the “Terrible Twos” about eight months earlier, pouncing on the word “No!” with relish (which is not the most problematic word on which she's ever fixated) and repeating it at every given and inconvenient opportunity: diaper changing, meal time, bath time, getting-out-of-the-bath time. Not that unusual.
She's testing her boundaries, exerting power where she can, and trying to control her environment. I can deal. Even when she follows it up with her new weapon of choice: a flesh-searing bite from her 10 pearly whites.
But unfortunately, Billy – who is, in a few ways, about two years developmentally delayed – has also recently discovered the true power of the word “No.” He also likes to use it at potty time, meal time, bath time and getting-out-of-the-bath time.
When the two of them get started, dinner time becomes the Perfect Storm, like El Nino having a smack down with La Nina, and I'm caught in the middle trying to board up my windows and evacuate. Added to this is the fact that Billy's aural sensitivity is inflamed by Willow's screams, causing him to spiral further and further down the longer they're in the same room.
We're working with an ABA therapist to develop some strategies for dealing with Billy's tantrums. Some of it will improve as they both get older. (Please, God, let some of it improve as they get older.)
I've developed my own “Six Stages of Tantrumming” until the experts come up with something better:
Stage 1: Good Mama
At this stage, I'm still talking in a soothing voice, assuring everyone, “We're OK. It's OK. Everyone's OK. Aren't peas nice? No, well, that's OK...”
Stage 2: The Game Show Host
This stage might also be called Bargaining: "If you'll stop screaming and eat some peas, you could win this lovely prize package." And I display ice cream, the iPad and the LeapFrog machine for the contestants.
Stage 3: The Referee
Unable to keep the veiled threats out of my voice, I just try to keep Billy from randomly punching Willow and Willow from snapping at his fingers like a crazed turtle.
Stage 4: The Enforcer
Full threat mode. For some reason I start channeling a Cockney thug out of EastEnders or a Guy Ritchie movie: "Eat some bleedin' peas!" “If you don't stop throwing peas, you'll never eat again!” “Stop screaming or I'll burn all your toys!” I'm not proud of myself.
Stage 5: The Human Shield
At this stage, I'm just trying to protect the furniture.
Stage 6: Gollum
I retreat to my corner, whimper softly to myself, and pick peas out of my eyebrows.
Wow- you just described my stages of tantrumming too! Who knew? Thanks for the giggle, it's always nice to know you're not the only one going thru it!
Me TOO!
oh holy moly! I guess there really are stages! Because I totally go through these stages!!!! Isn't it terrible how the screaming is contagious!?!? Oh man Danny's screams totally set off Kekito. If one starts crying, that's it, we're toast!!!! Believe me I think I may have said something pretty similar to the burning toys threat! ;)
Oh No!
I pretty much just progress to the stage 6!
The tantrums did improve with my daughter both through age and through behavior therapies. They're not gone completely, but they're definitely better.
I have to say, that I was laughing while I was reading this, yet still cringed. A lot. A really great post!
This is so me! My poor Ashlyn cannot handle the little ones constant shrieking. Lately car rides get so noisy that we try to take two cars so that she can sit in the quiet one. Oh and I think I go from stage 1 to 6 very quickly!
No!
Your stages are better than any of the ones you would find in a textbook and I totally relate. I also thought of the song "No!" from They Might Be Giants as I was reading:)
Who Needs Steps 2 - 5?
I seem to always go straight to step six. Although I am mor like an Orc than like Gollum.
she learned from the best
i have no censorship button in my brain. I go from "wanna taste some peas?" to screaming and forcing just one pea down Little Bird's throat- just so I win. I feel like one day she's gonna pull that "just say no" ad on me with an "I learned it by watching YOU". You know, if she can string that many words together.
Too funny 'cause it's sooo true. We've spent a couple of weeks in our CARD class going over the different behaviors the kids show during a tantrum. I love the flipside of identifying a mom's different behaviors!! It really does feel like we're in the boxing ring. You can seriously almost hear the bell and "ROUND 2!"
And to think last night my status on FB read like this: Salespeople should take lessons from their kids. What does the word "no" mean to a child? Almost nothing. ~Jim Rohn
Well, you wrote a whole post on the real deal. what does Jim Rohn know about kids? Ha- very little methinks.
Oh yes, peas are lovely!
I don't want to laugh at this post, because I totally feel your pain. But you describe the six stages so perfectly. It's so easy to jump straight to Stage 4, isn't it? Once, I even pretended to cry, just to see if I could use guilt to calm things down, but no, the boys laughed in my face. Laughed! They knew they'd won!
(That Guy Ritchie comment? I die with laughter!)
Hang in there, friend. Just hang in there. Next time this happens, tweet me, and we'll have cyber drinks together. ;)
ABA consultants are rolling over in their graves
I need to forward this to my ABA consultant so that she can be properly horrified. Because of course none of those 6 are the appropriate response. I forget what the appropriate response is.
I can't believe it's not Halloween yet ...
So I'm not alone? That's a relief. I was starting to worry that my kids might be literally possessed.
@Maura: I'm so going to take you up on that tweeting for virtual cocktails offer. But we may both end up in virtual rehab if I tweet you every time this happens.
@Lynn: I'm hoping *my* new ABA consultant doesn't read my blog.
were you writing about your kitchen or mine?
OK, total belly laugh for me with this one! I wonder if you were a fly on the wall in my kitchen at one point!?
I can relate!
I got to the Gollum stage last night!
I love the image of your baby girl snapping at fingers like a crazed turtle. Totally had me laughing! Hey, all's fair in love and war right? Happy SITS day and I'll be sure to share your blog with others.
Unfortunately, I get to the Enforcer stage way too fast. I think I maybe only have three stages: calm and sweet, the bargainer and enforcer. sigh. ;) I've always been envious of those even tempered women that calmly repeats her requests like "put your shoes on" 20 times until the kid does it. Yes, I knew one of those.. my SIL, very unflappable. Happy SITS day!
"like El Nino having a smack down with La Nina"...best mommy blog line ever!
Lol...
I really don't know how to react to this.
Do I laugh?
*Perhaps I shouldn't admit it, but I was laughing hysterically the the whole way through.*
Do I cry? - Because I can only begin to imagine the hysteria and chaos...
Oh you poor thing... and yet, the stories that come from such occasions are fantastic for entertaining. ;)
I'm sure it will settle, at least somewhat, as they get older (at least as Willow becomes old enough to not unwittingly antagonize her brother).
I wish I could claim that I didn't spend most of my time as the enforcer.....sigh. Great post!
I've had to pick peas out of my eyes on several occasions! BTW, I'm stopping by from SITS. I got an error message earlier today when I commented on your main post so I hope it went through. I think I was trigger happy and hit submit too many times. :) ANyway, Congrats on your SITS day! Woo Hoo!
Total 20 comments
Bad weather brings out the best in me ...
Not very athletic
lol, Amanda, great to really SEE you! I was right there with you in the lunchroom playing checkers...
I wonder if I should do a vid clip to talk about what my blog is about or have a vlog page... what do you think? Has it worked for you? Email me when you get a sec. because I'd love to find out how you started that process :).
I Hope You Got your Coffee!
I think it's great that you are walking (I've started that recently as well) and eating healthier! It IS really important! I've found walking helps with the stress too! I think I'm better as handling my daughter when she's being difficult when I've taken care of myself!
Good to drink tea with you!
I loved drinking tea with you this morning! Tea is definitely an English thing - and quite Zimbabwean and South African too! But I love coffee too.
Good luck with your healthy living regime, you'll feel fantastic ... exercise definitely soothes and rejuvenates my soul. Can't describe how it does, but it does.
Sunshine
Hey, I like tea...
Just sitting here drinking my tea, watching your vlog. I'm a coffee hater. I'm so with you on the PE class...God, I hated PE. And I just had the same convo with my sister about physical fitness....it's no longer a vanity thing but a longevity thing. Like you, I hope I'm around for a looooooooooooooong time.
Don't go there! It's too scary!
I also think a lot about what my autistic kids will be like when they're autistic adults. The fear of old age and death takes on a whole new meaning when there is the very real possibility that our children may still rely on us when they're middle-aged.
How are you doing with the exercise? I love that you are looking at the long-term and not just focused on getting back into a pair of jeans! You know what I found when I got back into a pair of old jeans....they didn't even look good anymore...so out of style! I mean, if you're into the whole wearing your pants above your belly button thing then they're great! LOL
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After watching this week's episode of CSI, I'm pretty much convinced that I'm at least a “Level 2” hoarder.
"We found her! The body was buried under a pile of kids' art and old phone chargers."
I could kind of relate to the woman who sealed all her memories into labeled plastic bins, stacked them up and then couldn't get out the front door of her house. Except the part where she had a dead body in the house she didn't notice. Then again, I haven't gone through the guest room in a while ... the only way a guest is staying in there is if it's that lady from Clean House who sells all your crap in a yard sale while you're on vacation.
I have great admiration for those people whose homes are immaculate and free of clutter. Where do you put the unfiled receipts? The wonky crayon drawings of pumpkins? The seven different bottles of almost-used-up bug spray? The wires, chargers and cables that seem to spontaneously reproduce around each of our computers and TVs?
I learned my minor hoarding from my mom, who instilled in me an absolute loathing of waste. I can't stand to see things wasted. Not that I don't waste stuff. I just feel this tiny sense of shame about it whenever I throw something away rather than repair it. Of course, my mom has a great way of handling clutter: She brings it to my house.
I don't hoard everything. There are a some things, though, that I find it almost physically impossible to throw away:
Re-usable bags
I have a stunning collection of these from canvas “green” grocery bags to those clear zip-up plastic bags in which comforters and sheets are packaged. Sign up for a Books-A-Million discount card? They give you a bag. Enroll in Kindermusik again? They give you another bag. The only cure for this addiction we've found is moving. I refuse to move my collection to a new house, but in the past year we've lived here, I've collected about 100 of them.
Plastic containers
(Related to the reuseable bag fetish) I'm a little better about this than I used to be. I no longer collect Chinese take-out containers, which was something of a break-through.
Coupons
In my mind's eye, I'm this amazing money-saving machine like the ones you see on Good Morning America who manage to get a year's groceries for seven dollars. In reality, I have a pile of out-of-date scraps of paper that represent way more time than I could ever earn back in savings.
At some point earlier this year, I was convinced that I desperately had to try the Lettuce Cups at some restaurant in another town and this $1 off coupon was gonna come in handy if we ever went there. I know this because the coupon lived on my refrigerator (see fridge magnets below) for more than six months.
I'm thinking that if the one on the right is raisins, then the one on the left is a picture of Billy eating raisins at Zoinks. (You thought I was kidding about the stump-grinding, didn't you?)
Fridge magnets
I don't have one of those interesting, purposeful collections. No, I have a variety of magnetized business cards from air conditioning repairmen, stump grinders and tree removal services that probably don't even exist any more. Because who needs a file cabinet when you can stick everything from old receipts to coupons to artwork (see Artwork below) to the fridge for everyone to see?
Electrical wires
There really isn't any use for all these old phone chargers I've collected, is there? I should point out that I do not currently own a working cell phone.
Artwork
At some point, apparently, I'm planning to launch the world's largest and most pointless show of children's art. It will begin with the fingerpaint handprints I made with Billy when he was barely upright through Willow's crayon drawing of an “apple.” I have a couple pairs of “rainbow viewing binoculars” made of toilet paper rolls for the “sculpture” exhibit. I imagine the abstract "I Like Raisins" (black dots on white paper) will fetch a hefty sum. Let's get those phone bids going.
Toys
I think I must have been traumatized as a child by that cartoon where Rudolph visits the Island of Misfit toys. That and Toy Story has instilled in me an emotional connection to toys that is unreasonable in an adult. I just can't throw them away, even if they're broken. Even if they're so stupid or inexplicable that my children never play with them. There are toys I hang on to in the hopes that I will, at some point, find the rest of it: the missing puzzle piece, the ball that drops down the little chute, the arm to Batman. Poor little misfits. It's not your fault.
Books
I never re-read a book. NEVER. Whenever I read a really good book, I immediately find someone to give it to. And the bad ones? I keep, for some reason. The collecting of terrible fiction seems to be a bit of a compulsion of mine. I have to line up ever bad novel I've ever read on the shelf rather than take it to Goodwill and give it the opportunity to bore somebody else.
Clothes
I once told an old boyfriend, "I can't throw this away. I've had it since I was in high school." After a long moment, my much more fashion-conscious boyfriend responded, "You do realize, don't you, that that is NOT a reason to wear something?" No. I don't.
I realize intellectually that I'm equating things with memories. I realize intellectually that throwing away, donating or re-gifting a thing doesn't eliminate all its related memories from my mind. I realize intellectually that I will never find a use for all these plastic bags.
But my heart still feels a tug every time I load up a box of old stuffed animals for Goodwill or even throw away the hand-written receipt (stuck to the fridge for several months) from the first day we signed Billy up for gymnastics.
I've made a commitment, though. I'm cleaning out that guest room, so that we can actually have some guests and make new memories. Get ready mom: I've got a couple dozen boxes of "old memories" coming to your house.
Posting problems?
Hey guys ...
Is anyone else still having problems posting here? We knew there were problems for a couple of days while we upgraded security to try and get rid of porn spammers, but we were under the impression that everything had been smoothed out. If you do still have problems, if you could email me directly at AmandaBroadfoot@gmail.com and let me know what happened, I would REALLY appreciate it. I'm going to be featured blogger at SITS on Nov. 2 and I want to make sure all the problems are sorted out before then.
Thanks in advance ...
Amanda
Hoarders
Boxes. Boxes. I can't seem to throw away boxes. Not sure what it means.
YOU'RE HAVING YOUR SITS DAY!!!!
How cool!!! Finally someone I know and don't have to pretend to like!! That is so awesome...I'm marking my calendar.
As for the hoarding, I am your polar opposite. Love to throw things away. I hate stuff. I wonder what that says about me vs. you...? I collect plastic bags but only so that I can take them in one go to the recycle bin. I have a purposeful refrigerator magnet collection. But that's about as close as I come to relating to this. OK, I'm going to check out your security thingy now....
everything checks out here comrade
...all is well with posting comments.
Paperback Swap
I'm a recovering pack rat. I determined about a year back that I would have nothing in my home that I didn't consider to be beautiful or useful. I'm not a 100% success - but I'm a lot better. One helpful question: "Have I used this / worn it within the past year? No? Donate / Toss." It's hard to toss things especially - but there are times when it's gotta be done.
For the books - I love Paperback Swap. (Use the link I provided so I get credit for the referral!) It's a credit-based system -- list your bad fictions, some poor sap requests them, and when they confirm it's been received, you get a credit to pick out a book you want. They've got all genres, including kids' books.
Congrats!
Congrats on your SITS Day! How cool that you know this far in advance. Just out of nosiness, when did you submit your blog to them? I just did research to see when I did, and I was surprised to find out it wasn't until the end of April!
I HAVE had problems posting here! It won't let me like to my XXXXXXXX website. HAHA.
Seriously, I have had problems about 3 times this past week. I think one time I didn't even post anything.
My husband is a hoarder. I think he has a serious problem. However, one of his very expensive stereo speakers broke last night. He was able to find his invoice and his warranty info for it--even though he bought it almost 10 years ago. As it turns out, the warranty is going to expire in about a month. That never happens--it usually expires a month ago! Anyway, because of his pack-rat ways, we're actually going to save serious money on this repair. Hoarding is not always bad!
My Halloween House of Hoarders
@BigDaddy: I forgot to add boxes to the list. I get it, my friend, I really do. How could a box NOT be useful at some unknown date in the future?
@Lynn: You're the best! Thanks :-) Maybe if we keep interacting, some of your non-hoardiness (that word sounds dirty, doesn't it?) will rub off on me.
@Mary: What a great idea with the Paperback Swap! I'll definitely let them know that you sent me ... Thanks!
@Cheryl: I didn't submit my name until mid-summer, but when I accepted the gig moderating the Spring Chicken forum, they offered to bump us "Tribe Leaders" up in the line-up. That's one thing I really like about SITS: They offer lots of opportunities to contribute and they try to come up with creative ideas for rewarding people. I didn't do the tribe thing for the SITS Day bump; I really wanted to find my special needs moms "tribe," but the SITS Day is an AWESOME reward :-)
Island of Misfit Toys
Oh, I'm with you on The Island of Misfit Toys! That cartoon made me weep as a child. Meanwhile, my kids can't get enough of it.
I hate to say it, Amanda, but you and your reusable bags sound downright organized. And? Glad to hear your refrigerator looks exactly like ours. At least we're not alone.
I Have Everything You Have!
Hi Amanda:
I think you might be a younger version of me! I have everything you have...when Jim and I moved in together two years ago, we filled TWO 26-foot U-Hauls with just boxes of stuff (furniture went in a separate truck)...it's a good thing we have a big house! He has at least three boxes of assorted cables for computers, phones, etc.! I have boxes of the kids' artwork, and stuff my mom saved from my own childhood. I have every ticket/programme from every show I've ever been to. I realized on Monday that the sweatshirt I threw on for going out to the garden was 16 years old! I don't keep bad books, only good ones. However, my cookbook collection alone filled several boxes!
Wendy
too funny
Too funny! I'm on a decluttering mission this year and have realised there are only 2 months left and I'm nowhere near my goal. Sigh.
One thing for the art work was to create a website where it is all stored. Thing is I have boxes of hard copies in the attic, so that didn't exactly work ...
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It's my second week vlogging! And by the way, turns out it's pronounced "vlog," just like "blog" but with a B. I know this because they said it on and episode of Chuck and that resource is nothing but reliable.
VeeeLog
With the kissing, dancing, and chocolate pudding, Willow's preschool sounds like the place where I had my bachelor party. Enjoy the quiet.
Have fun
...but please don't give up text and photos entirely. Video doesn't work on my Internet connection.
Love the Comment Above Mine!
Please tell me your next vlog won't be in the same category as the comment above me! Don't take blogging or vlogging or v-loging down that road! Oh, I hope you're enjoying your free time!
Porn
Ha! I took down the "please buy porn" comment but do NOT worry: I'm not desperate enough for traffic to go that route ...yet.
This is so great...feel like I'm having coffee with you. But this is better because I can't interrupt you and make you forget your train of thought. Enjoy your peace and quiet!
I love sharing these snippets of your life; it's a time when I can grab a cup of something to drink, sit down and relax while catching up with your news. really enjoying them - thanks!
I sit at work and want to see Lena and do stuff with her and when I get home I am so drained I just want to sit...LOL Kids are the best but sometimes it is nice to have those few quiet moments alone! Love you!
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Willow re-enacting the Normandy invasion in the back yard.
While I wasn't looking, my daughter became a friggin' genius. At least, that's how it seems to me. Everything comes so easily to her: words, numbers, letters, imaginative play. I'm so used to the feeling of working so hard to help Billy accomplish those normal milestones that when Willow does something completely normal it seems like magic. Like a miracle.
She's known her alphabet for months now. You know, the little ABC song. But then about a month ago, she started to show us that she knew letters out of context as well. And she knows most of their sounds. When she's in a really good mood, she can count to sixteen (I don't know why sixteen; maybe she's already counting the years till she can drive), sing six or so songs, name every member of our family, half a dozen colors and use a few short phrases: “He sweet.” “I hold this.” “Read it.” “No more letters.” And “Wucky. It stinks.” That last one was her review of broccoli.
She even happily asks to brush her teeth with her Hello Kitty toothbrush: "Teeth! Teeth! I hold Tooth Cat." (Hello Kitty is now and forever always "Tooth Cat" in our house.)
Did I mention she's nineteen months old?!
I know I sound like I'm bragging – and I am a little – but her precociousness kind of terrifies me. It's like she has Billy's memory but without showing any of the autism traits. At least, not yet.
And I know that makes me sound crazy. But I can't help it. I scrutinize every little behavior to try and see any signs of ASD. Is she shaking her whole body in some stimming behavior? Oh wait, no, she's “wiggling” because the Little Einsteins are telling her to wiggle. Did I mention she's also really good at following directions?
Occasionally, I'll get worried that I'm not giving her enough undivided attention. Even though she's home with me during the day, I spend a great deal of that time dealing with Billy's therapy appointments, planning after-school learning projects for Billy, emailing Billy's teacher, writing about Billy ... meanwhile, she's over in the corner teaching herself French and playing some elaborate game like “United Nations Economic Summit” with her dolls and nobody's noticing.
Any day, I'm expecting her to come up to me and say, “I've finished your taxes and paid the bills. If I program some new widgets into your website will you sit down and blow me some bubbles?”
Even her birth and the months right after are a blur to me. Long after I finished off the bottle of Vicodin that came with the C-section I was walking around in a bit of a fog.
That was the same time we were getting Billy's official autism diagnosis, and though I didn't realize it at the time and though I was deliriously in love with my baby girl, I couldn't allow myself to get lost in the joy of our new little person.
The upside is that she's been there right alongside me throughout Billy's therapy, and she has definitely benefited. She sings songs from the early days of Music Therapy that she hasn't heard since before she could talk.
And I've become a better communicator because of Billy's therapy – better able to encourage communication in both my children. I wish all parents could have a good speech therapist, occupational therapist and behavior therapist on staff, because there are so many wonderful things to learn that really can make a difference in everything from talking to tantrums.
Try as I might to turn blogging into a learning activity for her, she's not buying it. And I'm starting to get more and more freelance work – the money of which we can really use – so she spends more and more time playing at my feet. In fact, the other day I found her beating my keyboard with one of her dolls and saying, “Working! Working! Working!” Either the doll was supposed to be me typing -- or Willow is starting her own blog about what an a-hole of mother she has.
All of this is the long way of getting around to a big admission: We're going to put Willow in preschool. I will miss her like air, but I know she's going to love it. She needs friends – besides this big, old one who can only blow bubbles so long before needing an oxygen mask. She needs structure. And she deserves to have a day centered around the sorts of things she enjoys: music, dance, art, and lots of learning.
She's going to a great preschool. In fact, it is such an adorable, joyful place that I always feel like I've walked into Santa's workshop when I go in there. That is, if Santa relocated to Florida (which, let's face it, he ought to do). I wish they'd let me enroll.
We haven't set Willow's official start date yet, but it's coming soon. I haven't had an empty house during the day in over four years, and the thought kind of terrifies me. Would love to hear thoughts from those of you who've pushed your last little birdie out of the nest (at least during the daytime). Did you feel guilty? How much did you worry? How did you handle it?
Meanwhile, I'm going to assuage my guilt by joining Willow, Paddington Bear and The Little Einsteins in a game of Parliamentary Procedure.
wow, you daughter is a genius! That's great. Found you on SITS. BTW-My nephew is autistic too. We do the autism walk ever year in hopes of finding a cure someday.
Another Product of the Letter Factory?
Congrats to Willow! And you should brag...that's way cool! I recognized the song you were singing as one from the Leap Frog Letter Factory DVD that my kids LOVED. They learned their letters and sounds early, too, and I credit it to that DVD. Maybe they have a Leap Frog periodic table DVD? ;) Bring on the next challenge!
Who the hell is Willow?
This is an outrage! You have another child?!?@?? She is soooo cute. I have friends in the same boat...with a boy on the spectrum and then a typical girl, and believe me they were all hawking over every little thing that that little girl did. On the one hand, we are all so shell-shocked about the whole autism thing and hopefully #2 won't get too screwed up over it. On the other hand, so nice for you that you get to have the typical parenting experience as well as the special.
What a Smartie!
Wow, she really loves to learn things! My daughter was like that too (still is, actually!).
It sounds like you do have a genius on your hands!
Yes, She is Genius...
(and the sweetest cuddle-bug!), but she did not get there all by herself ;). You and Dave deserve credit for encouraging her potential, despite the neverending distractions since her birth. It will be an adjustment to send her to Good Sam, but she will be in the environment that she would have had if only she had been born before 1980 (meaning, most mothers stayed at home full-time and there was always someone around to play with or to help watch your kids). Good for you and good for her! She is so like you in that she seeks out new experiences and new company like oxygen; she has a innate joie de vivre (OMG, I am speaking French, it must be Friday!!) that lets her enjoy any environment that she is in. Not everybody is like that, but she is, and kudos to you and Dave for having the courage to let her go and have those new experiences.
You talked in your vlog post about becoming inhibited by your fears . I would argue that may be the case in some areas of your life, but your willingness to let W. go to Good Sam shows that you are NOT afraid to do what is best for your kids. Both of them!!
Pre-School is Great...
Don't feel guilty, Amanda! Willow will love pre-school...she's smart, and will enjoy the stimulation that she'll get there!
I've been a working mom through all three of my daughters' lives...was able to stay home with the first two until they were eighteen months old (and then they went to private day care). For the third, I was a single mom, and was forced to go back to work when she was six months old...that was hard! I was still nursing and got up at 5 a.m. to pump...Hope is 12 now, and the most outgoing of any of the girls...
Wendy
“Working! Working! Working!”
Wow! A smart and beautiful girl, your Willow! I love that she calls Hello Kitty her "tooth cat." Brilliant!
My heart felt a little stab of pain for you at the “Working! Working! Working!” thing. I can really relate to that. The other day, Henry asked me why his friend Charlie is always with his mom. I said, "Charlie's mom doesn't go to the office the way I do." And Henry said, "Does that mean she loves him more than you love me?" OUCH!
Don't feel badly about sending Willow to preschool. We sent Ollie to preschool at two, and he got so much out of it! He's a very shy child, so I think the exposure to other children has helped him out a bit with that. Not to mention that he's surrounded by super cool cars and trucks and playdoh and paints, plus a spot on the storytime rug with his name on it. Willow's going to simply lap up the learning opportunities awaiting her at school. Good luck!!! :)
Hey, are you going to the Blissdom blogging conference in January?
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He has good taste
Thursday February 03 2011 08:56:04 am
Lynn
Another reason that he and Audrey are destined to be together...cuz she is totally gonna look like Tina Fey when she grows up.
The perfect Halloween costume for 2011!
Thursday February 03 2011 02:21:39 pm
Amanda Broadfoot
I can totally see Audrey rocking the Tina Fey look! And she and Billy both like performing (performing = dancing in public locations that are not stages). Maybe they could form their own improv group like Second City. Currently, Billy's doing a lot of Wizard-of-Oz-Meets-Charlie-Brown-and-Tina-Fey related improv, so see if Audrey's got any material that could build on that ...
This Woman Has Saturated Every Market Now
Thursday February 03 2011 02:41:18 pm
Big Daddy
It's official. Tina Fey has saturated every market known to mankind and then some. Movie star, comedian, TV star, toilet trainer. What's next? Pope?
Btw, Griffin's first crush was Katy Perry.
Thursday February 03 2011 03:25:28 pm
writerwoman61
I love Tina Fey, although I can honestly say I've never taken her into the bathroom with me (Jim and I recently watched Date Night, which would be fun for you and Dave, but highly inappropriate for Billy)!
Wendy
Too funny
Thursday February 03 2011 08:44:35 pm
Sarah @ barefaced approach
Thanks for visiting my blog this week. I love this post. That little boy of yours is just too funny. I almost fell out of my chair reading this. Whatever gets the poop out and into the toilet, right?! HAHAHAHA!
Stopping by from SITS! :)
A New Job for Tina
Friday February 04 2011 01:57:51 am
Cheryl D.
I'm sure Tina will be beyond thrilled to know she helps Billy poo!
Tina
Friday February 04 2011 10:34:38 am
Maura
I love Tina Fey. Billy has excellent taste.
Have a great weekend, Amanda!
Great Story!
Friday February 04 2011 04:31:06 pm
Christine
I love that! You should send it to Tina Fey.
LMAO again!
Saturday February 05 2011 06:50:12 pm
jillsmo
This is hilarious. I especially like "Tina Fey is very talented." From what I've heard about her, she would probably really love this story.
Tina Fey
Saturday May 07 2011 08:12:26 am
stephanie
OMG! Hilarious! Such a boy to need a magazine to go poo-poo! I love Tina Fey too, Billy!
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