It's time for Willow's one-year vaccinations. No mom likes "shot days," but for the parents of autistic children, it's particularly fraught with stress.

Despite overwhelming scientific evidence that there is no link between vaccinations and autism, the debate continues. Court cases continue. The number of parents opting out of vaccinations increases and the cases of measles and whooping cough increase.

I understand the fear. There are times I feel it, strong and heavy on my chest, pressing me to make judgment calls that conflict with my rational brain.

But that's not how I make decisions for my kids. If I did, I would never let them out of the house. The world is teeming with scary "what ifs?"

No, my kids, even my autistic son, will be vaccinated.

There was a time when I believed Billy's problems started at about 15 months. It's a fact that he said a few words at 11 months, and by 15 months, he had stopped almost altogether.

However, having a "neurotypical" daughter -- that's what we say in the special needs community to avoid using a meaningless word like "normal" -- I realize all the things Billy didn't do much earlier. He never pointed -- still hasn't, actually. He never handed me things and then asked for them back. His babbling, unlike Willow's, didn't sound like attempts to communicate. The sounds were more repetitive. And getting our attention -- or giving us his -- was never high on his agenda.

I'm fairly certain Billy's problems were there, in one form or another, from birth. Those challenges are just easier to identify as kids get older. Their differences from their peers are more apparent, because more is expected of them.

I'm quite literally tired of the vaccination debate. But it's a familiar tiredness. It's the same weariness that threatens to swallow me when I face many of the questions about autism: Is this therapy or that therapy actually doing anything? Is he making gains or am I just wanting to see improvements? Does this new treatment have any science behind it or is someone else just after our money? Do I need to invest the time and energy in educating myself about some new breakthrough -- or can I bribe Dave into reading about it?

We're willing to try anything. We've tried the gluten-free, casein-free diet. We've done Therapeutic Listening, music therapy, weighted vests, brushing therapy (imagine brushing a horse and then insert the image of a ticked-off three-year-old into your vision), fish oil, magnesium supplements -- there is no investment, financial or time-wise that we are not willing to make. We would happily bankrupt ourselves to save our child. I have taken a break from my career to be a full-time mom, and that has been the best decision I've ever made. Every spare minute we have we happily offer up to our babies with joyful hearts.

So when Jenny McCarthy goes on Larry King or Oprah and says that she "cured" her son's autism because she was willing to "do what it takes," I'll be honest, I want to punch her in the mouth. And I'd probably get beat up because she kind of scares me.

But she should know that my son's not still autistic because we weren't willing to do what it takes. We are. We so are. I have tried things (yep, brushing therapy) that would have made me laugh out loud a year ago. I have invested in things that two years ago I specifically said I would never try. I will not judge you for trying anything -- as long as it's not harmful -- to save your child.

So I'm not going to judge you if you decide not to vaccinate your children. I just want to put my position out there, because if there's some mom who is being pressured to avoid vaccinations and wants to hear from someone from the other side ... well, here I am.

I've read the science. I've debated the topic with my husband, with other moms, with therapists and doctors. I've wracked my brain and spent many sleepless nights sifting through the facts, the emotions, the fears. I've sought the opinions of friends and strangers in the medical and science community. I've listened, I've argued, I've questioned, I've read. And I've come to a decision.

If the science changes or evolves, so will my opinion. And if you'd like to discuss my reasons further, feel free to contact me. But not on Wednesday, because that's the day Willow's getting vaccinated.