One of a parent's biggest fears for their child with special needs is how other children will react to him. Will he have friends? Will he be bullied? Will he spend a lot of time alone? How do you pave the way for him to create strong bonds with his peers?

Since We're Friends, a children's book by Celeste Shally, beautifully illustrated by David Harrington, is a lovely way to do just that. An unnamed child has a friend named Matt; Matt is autistic and sometimes reacts differently to situations that arise on the playground. Matt's friend helps him understand instructions during games and distracts him when he gets upset. They share many common interests; Matt talks a lot about animals, but his friend doesn't mind because he likes animals too.

We donated a copy of this book to Billy's pre-K class where we're happy to report he has quite a few friends. Ages 3 to 5, his classmates vary widely in their development. We were delighted that he would be in an inclusion class, half of which is normally developing children. Some of the older girls are particularly sweet to Billy, holding his hand during line-up, engaging him on the playground and generally watching out for him. When he started preschool last summer, Billy's social interactions amounted to, at best, "parallel play," playing with toys alongside other kids without really interacting with him. In less than a year, he has started seeking out other kids to play chase, hold hands or share a ball.

As positive an experience as this has been for Billy, I think it's good for normally developing kids to have the experience of interacting with peers of varying abilities as well. Learning patience, compassion and seeing first-hand that someone who is different can still be a fun and beloved friend -- well, I think those lessons are at least as important as reciting the alphabet and counting to 20.

As parents of special needs kids, we often debate how much to talk about our child's challenges. We fear stigma, expect judgment, and desperately want to protect our children. Dave and I went through this same debate, not wanting other parents or kids to assume things about Billy that aren't true: that he's weird or violent or any number of other myths about autism that are widely prevalent. Ultimately, though, we decided the best defense was a good offense, and that we would err on the side of too much information, rather than too little.

The only way to dispel myths is with hearty dose of reality. Books like Since We're Friends are a good place to start.

When I was Billy's age, apparently I used to demand, at bedtime, "Daddy, read me a story and not God Made the World!" all in one non-stop, breathless sentence. Daddy, apparently, liked the brevity of the 7-page God Made the World: God made the sky, God made the animals, God made the flowers, etc. I, of course, couldn't understand why my father wanted to constantly hear this fairly plotless tale over and over.

As a parent now, I get it. I have to stop myself from shuffling the longer books to the bottom of the pile at bedtime. Waddle takes about 45 seconds to read (a parent favorite for the 'Feet), while Oh, The Places You Will Go is more of a commitment. Sometimes, though, Billy and I will find common ground, and with that in mind, here are a few of our favorites:

Odd Boy Out by Don Brown
Apparently, Albert Einstein was a holy terror to his parents. At least that's Billy's favorite part of Odd Boy Out, a children's tale about the life of the genius scientist. He had a big head, he hit his sister a lot, and eventually, he became a famous scientist. (We have to read the part where he hit his sister a lot of times.) Most of the beautifully illustrated book is over Billy's head, but I think he gets in a general way the message that despite what other people said about Albert, he grew up to become someone very special.

The Big Honey Hunt (and all rhyming Berenstain Bears Books) by Stan and Jan Berenstain

We are on our second copy of this 40-year-old classic, having read one book until the pages literally fell apart. Billy loves the rhymes and how silly old Papa Bear keeps trying to find honey in the forest and landing in all kinds of trouble with bees, skunks, porcupines (one of his first words was "pita-pine!") and owls. I love how, in the end, he follows Mama Bear's advice and just goes to the honey store. "Always listen to Mama Bear is the moral of this story," I tell him solemnly and he finds this hilarious.

The Monster at the End of this Book by Jon Stone, Illustrated by Michael Smollin
This was my favorite book as a child, and I love that Billy loves it too. Essentially, Grover is terrified by the title of the book and doesn't want to get to the end of the book where there is a monster. So he keeps begging the reader not to turn the page and trying to block our progress with a series of crazy ideas. We make a game out of it, as I ask Billy, "Should we turn the page?!" And he demands, "Turn the page! Turn the page!" even though the anticipation nearly kills him. Of course, Grover is the "monster" at the end of the book and that is very funny every single time.

What's Wrong, Little Pookie? (and all Sandra Boyton books) by Sandra Boynton

I just love Sandra Boynton's style. You can tell she has kids, because her books have that unique, oddball creativity that really captures kids' imaginations. In this one, Mama is trying to figure out why Little Pookie, her baby pig, is upset. This one used to be VERY handy when Billy was himself upset, because I would go through Mama Pig's questions: Are you tired? Are you hungry? Did you lose something you love? And by the time we get to the nonsense questions about elephants borrowing his shoes, he's got the giggles. We also have The Belly Button Book and the Going to Bed Book, both of which are excellent. We've adopted "Bee-bo" as our word for "belly button."

The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle (and all Eric Carle books)
No library is complete without this classic (as well as Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?). Billy had Hungry Caterpillar memorized after about two readings, and he loved to inform me, on a regular basis, what the caterpillar ate on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and so on. It's a beautiful illustration of how a caterpillar turns into a butterfly, and I tried to use this reasoning to get Billy to eat more things: "Don't you want to get big and strong and become a beautiful butterfly?" No dice. But he still loves the book. The book is so popular among kids that there is now a Memory game, several toys, and a pop-up book associated with it.

Possum Come a Knockin by Nancy Van Lann and George Booth

We borrowed this one from the school library, and it quickly became a favorite. While a wacky family carries on a-knittin', and a-whittlin' and a-fussin' and a number of other poorly enunciated activities, a possum knocks on their door. The rhymes are infectious, and we made a game out of this one too: Billy would give three knocks every time we heard the phrase "Possum come a knockin' at the door, at the door." I had to order our own copy when this one went back to the library.

Oh, the Places You'll Go by Dr. Seuss
I read this book to Billy while I was pregnant with him, and it still chokes me up. Of course, then I had no idea that he would be autistic, but Oh the Places You Will Go is particularly lovely for kids facing inherent challenges in life: "I'm sorry to say, but sometimes it's true, that bang-ups and hang-ups can happen to you ..." The book was a gift from a dear friend, and Billy always has me read the inscription to him, "To Billy ... Love, Melissa Witek, Miss Florida USA 2005." How many boys can say they have books in their library from Miss Florida USA?

The Potty Train by David Hochman and Ruth Kennison, Illustrated by Derek Anderson

Chugga-Chugga-Pooooo-Poooo! Need I say more? Brilliantly and hilariously illustrated, this is a great book for keeping them on the potty for a while during training.

The Little Engine That Could by Watty Piper

Billy is a big fan of the train in general, and The Little Engine that Could is actually right up there with Thomas in terms of cool engines. After about 80 years, its message of self-help and determination is still a good one, though modern books probably wouldn't include open pocket knives in a cargo of toys for "little boys and girls on the other side of the mountain."

Wonderful World of Knowledge
My mother-in-law has been sending us this series of books for Billy, a few at a time, from the UK. But I remember a version of these from my childhood, so I'm sure they're available over here as well. They're like encyclopedias for children on subjects like "Dinosaurs," "Marvels of the Sea," "Atlas of the World," and so on. Even before he's old enough to get into all the subjects, he's still fascinated by the illustrations, which always include a Disney character in any scene: Mickey traipsing across the desert, Donald snorkeling and looking at fish, Mickey scared by a giant squid, etc.
An unexpected upside is that the science in these books is on about my level of understanding, so I've used them to actually look up scientific facts. Everything I now know about chemical reactions I learned from Donald.