5. Craft projects from Dollar Tree
I thought I had really found a deal: three Valentine-themed craft projects for $1. At Michael's, a similar package would have cost $5 or more (I know, still not a fortune, but we're talking about something that will end up covered in glitter glue and probably stuck to the furniture. Not something I want to spend a lot on.) Anyway, I open the package of red and pink foam hearts and the room fills with the scent of cat urine.There is a reason why this costs is $1. And I'm still ripped off. No one wants a pee-scented Valentine.
Some things at the Dollar Tree are a good deal: Ziplock bags and greeting cards (check for misspellings). Steer clear of craft projects and anything with the word "meat" on the label.
4. Our renter
We're maintaining two mortgages at the moment, because we couldn't sell our house in Sunny Hills (another dislike: the real estate market) before moving to Tallahassee. We managed to rent to a guy who works at the prison (did we mention our old home was prison-adjacent?) who has complained non-stop about petty crap, been late with the rent every month and now has informed us this week he's moving out -- without paying his last month's rent.
If you have money problems, nobody understands more than us. I can put up with late rent, because the Lord knows, I've been late with mine in the past. But don't complain about the "taste of the water to me" as an excuse for not paying it. (By the way, anybody know any prisoner relatives with dull taste buds who might like to rent a house?)
3. Bad Dreams
Our family has been beleaguered by sleepless nights this week. Billy, in particular, like his mom, occasionally suffers nightmares. It breaks my heart, because he can't tell me what he's dreaming. He did (milestone!) manage to tell me one night "Dream!" when he woke up crying, so I think he's starting to understand what they are. I wish I knew what scares him.
My dreams are generally anxiety dreams: A recurring dream is that I'm performing and forget the words to a song. This week, I was in a bridesmaid's dress, aboard a jet ski, driving toward a volcano where my friend was getting married. I was late for the wedding, and I had forgotten the words to "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face." I also honestly dreamed once that I was being chased very slowly by a murderous Thomas the Train (see #2 below).
Dave doesn't have bad dreams. In fact, he usually wakes both of us up laughing. On Tuesday, he dreamed that we hired Mick Jagger to do carpentry work. I won't get into the details, but suffice it to say that Mick Jagger is crap at home repair.
2. Demon-possessed Toys
My car is haunted by a missing toy cell phone. I know it's in there somewhere only because every time I hit a speed bump, I am greeted with the little ditty "Shave and a hair cut - two bits!" And somewhere in Billy's room "Evil Thomas" is hiding. This is a battery operated Thomas that decides to come to life between 2 and 3 a.m. and emit a sinister "chooooooo chooooooo" sound over the baby monitor.
The Elmo phone even looks demonic: It used to have cute Elmo eyes perched atop it, but my teething children scraped away the whites of his eyes, revealing the red paint beneath, making him look like Chucky's furry cousin. Occasionally, we will hear -- from somewhere in the house -- the phrase "It's Elmos's turrrrrn," in this creepy deep, battery-dying voice.
And this week's greatest dislike is ....
1. The three pounds I've gained since I stopped nursing.
Gone are the days (months, nearly a year ... sigh) when I could eat anything -- and I mean anything -- and not gain an ounce. Don't get me wrong; I'm not thin by any stretch of the imagination, and if I'd been truly motivated, I could have used the last year to LOSE more weight. But anyway, back to stupid dieting and step aerobics. Boo!
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