I was a shy, introverted pushover as a child – way too eager to please. So when I complain about my kids' screaming “No!” fits, I want you to understand that I encourage their strong wills. I want them to be spirited and opinionated and not easily led.
Who needs dental records? I have a perfect impression of his teeth scarred into my ankle.
Well, put a check-mark in that box.
Willow entered the “Terrible Twos” about eight months earlier, pouncing on the word “No!” with relish (which is not the most problematic word on which she's ever fixated) and repeating it at every given and inconvenient opportunity: diaper changing, meal time, bath time, getting-out-of-the-bath time. Not that unusual.
She's testing her boundaries, exerting power where she can, and trying to control her environment. I can deal. Even when she follows it up with her new weapon of choice: a flesh-searing bite from her 10 pearly whites.
But unfortunately, Billy – who is, in a few ways, about two years developmentally delayed – has also recently discovered the true power of the word “No.” He also likes to use it at potty time, meal time, bath time and getting-out-of-the-bath time.
When the two of them get started, dinner time becomes the Perfect Storm, like El Nino having a smack down with La Nina, and I'm caught in the middle trying to board up my windows and evacuate. Added to this is the fact that Billy's aural sensitivity is inflamed by Willow's screams, causing him to spiral further and further down the longer they're in the same room.
We're working with an ABA therapist to develop some strategies for dealing with Billy's tantrums. Some of it will improve as they both get older. (Please, God, let some of it improve as they get older.)
I've developed my own “Six Stages of Tantrumming” until the experts come up with something better:
Stage 1: Good Mama
At this stage, I'm still talking in a soothing voice, assuring everyone, “We're OK. It's OK. Everyone's OK. Aren't peas nice? No, well, that's OK...”
Stage 2: The Game Show Host
This stage might also be called Bargaining: "If you'll stop screaming and eat some peas, you could win this lovely prize package." And I display ice cream, the iPad and the LeapFrog machine for the contestants.
Stage 3: The Referee
Unable to keep the veiled threats out of my voice, I just try to keep Billy from randomly punching Willow and Willow from snapping at his fingers like a crazed turtle.
Stage 4: The Enforcer
Full threat mode. For some reason I start channeling a Cockney thug out of EastEnders or a Guy Ritchie movie: "Eat some bleedin' peas!" “If you don't stop throwing peas, you'll never eat again!” “Stop screaming or I'll burn all your toys!” I'm not proud of myself.
Stage 5: The Human Shield
At this stage, I'm just trying to protect the furniture.
Stage 6: Gollum
I retreat to my corner, whimper softly to myself, and pick peas out of my eyebrows.
Wednesday November 03 2010 01:08:30 am
Mama Mary
I've had to pick peas out of my eyes on several occasions! BTW, I'm stopping by from SITS. I got an error message earlier today when I commented on your main post so I hope it went through. I think I was trigger happy and hit submit too many times. :) ANyway, Congrats on your SITS day! Woo Hoo!
Tuesday November 02 2010 11:52:54 pm
Traci
I wish I could claim that I didn't spend most of my time as the enforcer.....sigh. Great post!
Tuesday November 02 2010 04:16:12 pm
Eve (Tranquility & Turmoil)
Lol...
I really don't know how to react to this.
Do I laugh?
*Perhaps I shouldn't admit it, but I was laughing hysterically the the whole way through.*
Do I cry? - Because I can only begin to imagine the hysteria and chaos...
Oh you poor thing... and yet, the stories that come from such occasions are fantastic for entertaining. ;)
I'm sure it will settle, at least somewhat, as they get older (at least as Willow becomes old enough to not unwittingly antagonize her brother).
Tuesday November 02 2010 03:49:14 pm
Teresha@Marlie and Me
"like El Nino having a smack down with La Nina"...best mommy blog line ever!
Tuesday November 02 2010 01:13:57 pm
zeemaid
Unfortunately, I get to the Enforcer stage way too fast. I think I maybe only have three stages: calm and sweet, the bargainer and enforcer. sigh. ;) I've always been envious of those even tempered women that calmly repeats her requests like "put your shoes on" 20 times until the kid does it. Yes, I knew one of those.. my SIL, very unflappable. Happy SITS day!
Tuesday November 02 2010 10:23:57 am
Kristi Valentini
I love the image of your baby girl snapping at fingers like a crazed turtle. Totally had me laughing! Hey, all's fair in love and war right? Happy SITS day and I'll be sure to share your blog with others.
I can relate!
Tuesday November 02 2010 09:36:10 am
Shell
I got to the Gollum stage last night!
were you writing about your kitchen or mine?
Thursday October 28 2010 11:20:05 am
Melody
OK, total belly laugh for me with this one! I wonder if you were a fly on the wall in my kitchen at one point!?
Total 20 comments